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All things considering, I think that my pregnancy is actually going very well. I haven't had any complications yet, the morning sickness was mostly nonexistent (except for that one time I also had to take antibiotics for a foot infection, in which case the less said about that the better), and except for the exhaustion and normal aches and pains, I feel pretty good!

Which is to say that I'm still collecting lots of fodder to write pregnancy scenes, because some things can be potentially funny. Write what you know, right?

(Not doing the natural birth if I can help it, though. I've seen natural births. I want to be drugged to the gills.)

Is it too much to ask?

I hate pregnancy-related insomnia. I'm already flipping tired from creating a human being (on one hand, I'm barely doing anything except eating and working; on the other hand, it's really quite exhausting), but just give me the sleep to get by the next day.


After spending three days in kitty critical care for sudden kidney failure of unknown origin, Turkey Boy "Turk"/"Fuzzbutt"/"numnums!" has passed on to greater hunting grounds and that big old Sunbeam In The Sky. He came into my life after Ethel died, when I needed someone to love. He stayed in my life through the thick and the thin, always providing that little center of unconditional love that every person needs. He was a cat filled with energy and character. He loved pepsi boxes, playing catch through the door jamb, and licking pineapples. He never had a problem with his feet being touched, and he loved having his belly rubbed when he rolled on his back.

Turk was a cuddly lover, not a fighter (except for one wayward bird that somehow got into a locked, unopened apartment), preferring to run when he accidentally tipped the fish bowl on top of himself and knocked him into the toilet.

He died the day after my birthday, four days before my wedding. I told him it was a lousy birthday gift, but Turk was a cat, and he just did things on his own.

Kishimoto, a word with you.

Or your editors; I'm not too picky about who I complain.

First, let us discuss Kabuto. According to all the wikis and character biographies that I've found on-line. Kabuto is officially 23 years old. That's fine.

Yamato is also officially 26 years old. Now, I have basically figured out that Orochimaru actually left Konoha and became a missing nin before Naruto was even born - a year before Itachi was born, see, because Yamato is six years older than Itachi. Yamato was discovered when he was only five years old, having been the one out of sixty children who survived Orochimaru's experiments.

Are you still with me? See, this is where it gets complicated.

According to canon and official biographies, Orochimaru wasn't yet a missing nin when he and Danzo met Kabuto at the Konoha orphanage. Five years after that meeting in the orphanage, things went to hell in a handbasket in Iwa when Kabuto attacked Nono, and Orochimaru revealed Danzo's machinations.

Kabuto started doing his spying and infiltration for ROOT when Orochimaru not yet a missing nin.

Kabuto is three years younger than Yamato, who was five when he survived the experiments.


Admittedly, when I realized that Kabuto was only seven years old when he attacked Nono, those chapters became really trippy.

But wait - Kabuto would've have to be younger than two years of age when he met Orochimaru, unless Orochimaru became a missing nin one week later. :O

OKAY. IT'S OFFICIAL. I HAVE DECIDED THAT THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS IS IF KABUTO IS THE SAME AGE AS ANKO. WHO WOULD'VE BEEN SIX YEARS OLD WHEN OROCHIMARU BECAME A MISSING NIN, WHEN SHE WAS STILL HIS APPRENTICE. Except that Anko got the Curse Seal after she went through her Chuunin exam, which would've been when she was twelve years old...

I think my brain just broke.


May. 30th, 2013

Well, that's the second time this year I've had to go on antibiotics. (I like antibiotics. Let it be known to all crunchy all-natural granola people out there that there's only so much tea tree oil and garlic is going to do for you.) Apparently, I got MRSA in my cheek. I'd've preferred it to be anywhere but my face, but I guess I don't get to pick and choose. :/ Dunno where I picked it up, though. Nothing ever happened all the times I've worked with MRSA-infected wounds, and then I just happen to somehow get it ON MY FACE when I haven't done any wound care in months.

I was also told that if worse comes to worst, they'd be able to drain it with needles.

I think that would be so cool! I'd like to watch and wonder if they'd set up a mirror so I can. :DDD And using needles would cause a lot less scaring than a scalpel. DDD:

I also can't cover the darn thing with makeup, so I'm kind of embarrassed to be seen out in public.

In all honesty, I probably would've ignored it if the infection was located anywhere else and it never got larger than the nickel-size that it is, but this thing is located so high up on my cheek that it presses against the lower edge of my eye. And it's kinda blocking some of my vision. So, yeah, makeup probably wouldn't hide it at all, but it wouldn't like so flaming red.

Eh. I'll just tell people that I was bitten by a spider if they ask. :/


The reason Senjuu Tobirama created the Edo Tensai jutsu was so that he was vindictive enough to bring back his enemies and kill them all over again.


On a roll!

So far, the story is up to 60 thousand words in less than a month. Oh, and I also managed to crochet a hat and half a baby blanket. >:D

I'm having so much fun with the fic - well, except for the graphic child prostitution scenes, because those things were damn hard to write!

But, other than that, this is going to be an awesome, epic story that is more epic than anything else I've ever written in fanfiction before, since it spans the life of Inuzuka Tsume for nigh thirty years. And Danzo's life in that same time frame, except he gets flashbacks to when he's younger, so, uh, probably sixty years for him. >:D

Well, I suppose I should elaborate a bit, since this is the world's First Shimura Danzo/Inuzuka Tsume pairing IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. It started out in a different story, in which I pitted Tsume (who was assigned as overseer of the we-totally-do-not-exist spooks from Black Ops) against Danzo (leader of ROOT, to make sure that ROOT didn't accidentally try to off the spooks) in their own power struggle against each other. The entire idea culminated from one stray paragraph:

Tsume never shared Tsunade’s suspicions that Danzo was a threat to Konoha's survival. Danzo was, in his own way, just as concerned with, and as loyal to, Konoha as Tsume – and she well understood and knew loyalty. For that, she respected him more than she did Tsunade, because Danzo's loyalty had never faltered or turned fickle or up and left without looking back because of personal trauma or phobias. After working together almost twenty years, she and Danzo had settled into a somewhat-comfortable working relationship in which they agreed to having a difference of, hmmm, method and philosophy. (Danzo was, Tsume was unable to brag to anyone, the hardest person she ever seduced, even if it only resulted in a quick, sloppy blowjob in a very dark room.)

From there, all these different ideas just bloomed.

Danzo isn't an easy character to understand/write for most people, I think. From what I can tell, he's often scapegoated by fanon as being this cruel, dispassionate, power-hungry Machiavellian dictator who seeks to take over Konoha for himself. In canon, he seeks to take over Konoha for, well, Konoha. He's a very flawed character who tries to do the right thing for all the right reasons, but will use any and all means to succeed. And Konoha, for Danzo, seems to be this faceless ideal that reality can never hope to match. Nonetheless, his loyalty exists truly for Konoha.

I bet Danzo woudd get a lot more screen time in fanfics if he were really good-looking, like that ass, Madara. But noooooo.

So, basically, knowing this about Danzo in canon, and my own personal fanon of Inuzuka Tsume (as shaped through and evidenced by Saving Grace), I was very curious as to how these two very different characters, each with a very strong sense of honor and absolute loyalty to Konoha, could interact.

So far, I've got the beginning chapters of a Litter of Misfits posted at adultfanfiction.net and AO3. This story is so sexually graphic that I don't think I could ever edit it enough to make it appropriate to post as fanfiction.net (sigh and alas, since that's where the bulk of my readership is at). However, there are bits and pieces that I could post as separate stories at ff.net.

Okay, I admit the point of this entire entry is just to say that I'm currently studying Youtube videos of aerial silk circus acrobats because Tsume's Genin team (under the tender, albeit deluded, guidance of Hatake Sakumo-sensei) have a C class mission in which they get hired out to a circus. All this planned for this one little scene:

“So beautiful!” the ringmaster gushed as he studied Uchiha Makoto’s exquisite face. “Magnificent!” he declared over Uzumaki Kushina’s brilliant red hair. Then he looked at Tsume. He gingerly pinched one of her tangled tufts of hair between two fingers. “Er. Well, I do need someone to clean out the tiger’s cage.”

Hee. :D

What does it say about one's self-esteem when you look at a story that you wrote more than ten years ago and think, A bit rough in places, but damn, this is good. Yup; I'm brilliant. :D

/has spent the last three hours reading A Gutter Rat's Tale and That Which James Witnessed, since someone favorited it today.

/wishes someone else would write brothersJamesandSeverus!.
So, I guess I should say that I haven't died. To be fair, I do work with clients who have indeed died and lived to talk about it. One even woke up on a slab in the morgue, saying, "Where are my clothes?" To which I replied (after he told me about this), "Well, you came into this world naked the first time anyway. Seems rather apropos, doesn't it?"

I had reached a point where I didn't feel depressed (but really was), wasn't happy, but simply... alive. But being alive isn't the same as living, really. I didn't feel sad, angry, frustrated, creative, happy, or anything else - I was numb emotionally. My 1-2 beers a month became 4-6 a day. The physical pain increased, although the migraines weren't constant like they used to be.

I even lost complete interest in dancing and music and my daily walks. :( (My temporary physical handicap obtained at my sister's wedding didn't help, because it just reminded me of the constant cycle, every year, on crutches, on how my ankle is just shot. And then there was my mom, telling me that clearly this is a sign of being too fat for my own feet. Thanks Ma. But I wouldn't be too fat for my own feet if you hadn't given me the same damn autoimmune thyroiditis that you, your six sisters, grandmother, great-grandmother, and many various cousins all have! /still bitter)

So I took up crocheting in self-defense of burnout, because I wanted to be talented and admired for my creativity and keep my hands busy busy busy. I felt useless and fat at the time, barely off the crutches I had been stuck in and still not able to move far on my foot/ankle, so I thought this would be a great thing to do when not being able to move. (t took me five flipping hours to get a single basic chain down. when my roommate came home and asked me what I did that Saturday, I grumbled, "I learned how to crochet. >:("

And once I got the hang of it, I was really good. :D So between June 23rd, 2012 (the day I bought the starter kit at Walmart and got to work) to now, I made three baby blankets, one (almost completed) queen-sized wool blanket, twelve matching sets of hats and scarves, two toys, two random hats, and one deformed potholder. Crocheting has been my only interest in the last six months; one of two joys (the second joy being my cat, especially when he decided to be really darling and cute and pounce on my yarn - I just didn't have the heart to tell him no). I sat in front of a turned-on TV for background noise, and that was the meaning of my entire life.

But something changed Christmas Day while driving home for Christmas. inspiration hit me like a bolt of lightning! All l my creativity came zooming back. My eight hour round-trip drive turned into a nonstop brainstorming session. I started writing like a madwoman when I returned from the family ranch on December 26th. I wrote five thousand words in less than three hours, in a single sitting in front of my computer. Thoughts and ideas have been flying through my mind, fully-formed and uniform.

It's like all my energy, my love, my creative processes - everything! - had been stoppered up inside of me, and on Christmas Day, the cork popped free! My prayers* had been answered!

Today is January 3rd, and I have written 35000 words in the last week. (WHY DIDN'T THIS STRIKE ME DURING NANOMO????)

(Okay - I'm probably really manic, but that's okay, because I've never been self-destructive with my mania - No sex, no drugs, no gambling, no overspending, nothing - minus the fast driving, but everyone does 80 MPH around Montana, okay? Otherwise it takes forever to travel from Point A to Point B. But it means my house will get clean now!)

I hope things stay perked up. I really missed my old self. :D (Also... also, I am happy and pleased to announce to the entire world that I am writing THE FIRST, SO FAR THE ONLY, Shimura Danzo/Inuzuka Tsume (Naruto) story IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. BECAUSE I AM THAT AWESOME, THAT SPECIAL, AND AM THE QUEEN OF CRACK.

(*By prayers, there's this special devotion to the Holy Infant Christ Child that requires a prayer to be said 15 times each day from November 30th to December 25th. As a reward for this devotion, it is promised that the devoted will obtain a special grace on Christmas Day. I did this devotional, and I truly believe this special grace is the return of my inspiration/energy/creativity/something. But I don't think God intended me to use it for writing an epic novel filled with smut, child prostitution and abuse, and many other things that would make Father and the Church frown at me.)
My project tonight started out with a very simple thought. "I want my beany salad for lunch tomorrow." Of course, a simple thought also needs to be practical. "I need to make room in the fridge for my beany salad."

This led me to my next course of action: I either clean out the fridge or contact NASA to take away this reservoir filled with alien life forms.

I reconciled with the alien life forms and we all agreed that they could live a better life in the sewer system, so the fridge got a fresh scrubbing.

Speaking of reconciliation - I have come to the conclusion that any food in my fridge that has lasted a good four years without going bad is a very good reason to strongly reconsider my dietary choices.

And, finally, this is what happens when cheese goes bad. It goes *really* bad. Like uncensored, bold and daring, rated XXX, bad.

All this because I really wanted my beany salad. :(


Minni's Marvelous Harem no Homo no Jutsu

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